Codependence along with the Dependent Character Disorder
There is certainly wonderful confusion regarding the terms co-dependent, counter-dependent, and dependent. Ahead of we proceed to study the Dependent Personality Disorder in our subsequent article, we would do properly to clarify these terms.
Codependents
Like dependents (folks with the Dependent Personality Disorder), codependents depend on other men and women for their emotional gratification and the overall performance of both inconsequential and essential every day and psychological functions.
Codependents are needy, demanding, and submissive. They endure from abandonment anxiety and, to avoid becoming overwhelmed by it, they cling to other individuals and act immaturely. These behaviors are intended to elicit protective responses and to safeguard the "relationship" with their companion or mate upon whom they rely. Codependents seem to become impervious to abuse. No matter how badly mistreated, they stay committed.
This can be exactly where the "co" in "co-dependence" comes into play. By accepting the part of victims, codependents seek to manage their abusers and manipulate them. It's a danse macabre in which both members from the dyad collaborate.
From my book "Malignant Self Enjoy - Narcissism Revisited":
"Inverted Narcissist
Also named "covert narcissist", that is a co-dependent who depends exclusively on narcissists (narcissist-co-dependent). If you are living with a narcissist, possess a relationship with 1, should you be married to one, if you're working using a narcissist, and so on. it does not mean that you are an inverted narcissist.
To "qualify" as an inverted narcissist, you have to CRAVE to be within a partnership using a narcissist, no matter any abuse inflicted on you by him/her. You need to ACTIVELY seek relationships with narcissists and ONLY with narcissists, regardless of what your (bitter and traumatic) past experience has been. You have to really feel EMPTY and UNHAPPY in relationships with ANY OTHER form of person. Only then, and should you satisfy the other diagnostic criteria of a Dependent Character Disorder, can you be safely labelled an 'inverted narcissist'."
Ultimately, there is another type of dependence that is so subtle that it eluded detection till quite not too long ago.
Counterdependents
Counterdependents reject and despise authority and frequently clash with authority figures (parents, boss, the law). Their sense of self-worth and their very self-identity are premised on and derived from (in other words, are dependent on) these acts of bravura and defiance. Counterdependents are fiercely independent, controlling, self-cantered, and aggressive.
These behavior patterns are usually the result of a deep-seated fear of intimacy. In an intimate partnership, the counterdependent feels enslaved, ensnared, and captive. Counterdependents are locked into "approach-avoidance repetition complex" cycles. Hesitant strategy is followed by avoidance of commitment. They are "lone wolves" and undesirable group players.
From my book "Malignant Self Really like - Narcissism Revisited":
"Counterdependence is really a reaction formation. The counterdependent dreads his own weaknesses. He seeks to overcome them by projecting an image of omnipotence, omniscience, accomplishment, self-sufficiency, and superiority.
Most "classical" (overt) narcissists are counterdependent. Their emotions and needs are buried beneath "scar tissue" which had formed, coalesced, and hardened in the course of years of one particular kind of abuse or another. Grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and overweening haughtiness typically hide gnawing insecurity and a fluctuating sense of self-worth."
The Dependent Character Disorder can be a significantly disputed mental overall health diagnosis.
We're all dependent to some degree. We all like to be taken care of. When is this need to have judged to become pathological, compulsive, pervasive, and excessive? Clinicians who contributed to the study of this disorder use words including "craving", "clinging", "stifling" (both the dependent and her companion), and "humiliating", or "submissive". But these are all subjective terms, open to disagreement and differences of opinion.
Additionally, virtually all cultures encourage dependency to varying degrees. Even in developed nations, many women, the very old, the very young, the sick, the criminal, along with the mentally-handicapped are denied private autonomy and are legally and economically dependent on others (or on the authorities). Thus, the Dependent Character Disorder is diagnosed only when such behavior does not conform with social or cultural norms.
Codependents, as they are at times known, are possessed with great worries and concerns and are paralyzed by their abandonment anxiousness and fear of separation. This inner turmoil renders them indecisive. Even the simplest every day decision becomes an excruciating ordeal. That is why codependents rarely initiate projects or do issues on their own.
Dependents usually go about eliciting continuous and repeated reassurances and suggestions from a myriad sources. This recurrent solicitation of succor is proof that the codependent seeks to transfer responsibility for their life to other folks, no matter whether they have agreed to assume it or not.
This recoil and studious avoidance of challenges may give the wrong impression that the Dependent is indolent or insipid. However, most Dependents are neither. They're often fired by repressed ambition, energy, and imagination. It truly is their lack self-confidence that holds them back. They do not trust their own skills and judgment.
Absent an inner compass and a realistic assessment of their positive qualities on the 1 hand and limitations on the other hand, Dependents are forced to depend on essential input in the outdoors. Realizing this, their behavior becomes self-negating: they by no means disagree with meaningful other folks or criticizes them. They may be afraid to drop their assistance and emotional nurturance.
Consequently, as I've written within the Open Web site Encyclopedia entry on this disorder:
"The codependent molds himself/herself and bends over backward to cater for the requirements of his nearest and dearest and satisfy their each whim, wish, expectation, and demand. Nothing at all is also unpleasant or unacceptable if it serves to safe the uninterrupted presence of the codependent's household and close friends and the emotional sustenance s/he can extract (or extort) from them.
The codependent doesn't feel fully alive when alone. S/he feels helpless, threatened, ill-at-ease, and child-like. This acute discomfort drives the codependent to hop from 1 connection to an additional. The sources of nurturance are interchangeable. To the codependent, getting with a person, with any person, regardless of whom - is often preferable to solitude."
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